CANCER FREE!
All the pathology results from biopsies of surrounding tissue and lymph nodes after my radical prostatectomy show no cancer. Doc is confident he got it all! We’ll monitor with PSA tests to be sure but, my son, Josh says, “this is really really favorable results! No high risk features. Really high chance that you’ll never have to think about it again.”
I’m feeling such a sense of relief tonight. Honestly, because of my mindset and my past history, I was kind of anticipating that the worst was yet to come. That’s the medical mental pessimism that I am working to overcome.
I am now just over two weeks out from my surgery. I’m doing fine and the pain is decreasing every day. Unfortunately, because of scar tissue and ascites fluid damage and some mesh discovered in my abdomen, the surgeon had to open me up beyond the small incisions for the scope. That four to five inch long incision right along the scar tissue from another surgery is the area of greatest pain. My doctor’s son tells me it’s most likely because they had to grab a bunch of fascia tissue to stitch things together so that they would hold. But, at least now I can sneeze without feeling like the world is ending.
Also, as all of you well expected, I am up and moving around and getting bored. I am not totally dependent on others and can do things for myself. That was just another irrational fear left over from the trauma I experienced through my transplant journey. Yes, I’m wearing diapers and unhappy about that but it’s really no big deal. I have a couple more weeks of needing to severely limit my activities but then I’ll be breaking free.
I’m not supposed to sit upright with all of my weight on my bum for stretches of more than 45 minutes at a time. I’m finding that I do a whole lot of sitting doing the work that I do so I’m setting an alarm to make sure I get up and move, walk, or give my bum a rest by reclining for a bit. I have two more weeks of that.
I am very self-conscious about wearing diapers. I’m changing them often but I’m lighting candles all around the house and convinced that everything smells like pee. Robin assures me that it does not and that nobody can tell that I’m peeing in my pants over here. I even ordered some old guy cologne samples for when I get back out in public. I feel like a middle schooler with a spot on his shirt. Do you remember that? Surveys have shown that most kids would rather not go to school then go to school with a spot on their shirt because they’re pretty sure everyone is talking about them and noticing. So, yes, I’m basically a middle schooler convinced that everybody knows I’m wearing diapers. From what I understand I’ll be living the diaper life anywhere from 3 months to up to a year before the situation resolves. I’ll be starting pelvic floor physical therapy again next week.
I received some very positive news after spending several months on a waiting list to escalate my mental health needs to a trauma specialist. I got a phone call with an unexpected opening. That means I can resume my journey back toward solid mental health. My first appointment with the doctor went very well as I explained that my goal is to seek some healing from past trauma rather than just be equipped with tools to handle the symptoms. The next round of work begins now and I am ready to dig in and get going.
I’m so thankful for all of you who have been praying for me or taking the time to reach out.